Wednesday, January 26, 2005

The Story of Tobacco

When John arrived, he was an instant success, with a special taste and aroma. England saved Jamestown by becoming exportable; 1,613 Indians, for a time, accounted for the balance of trade.

Created from the Philip Morris USA website.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Coulterkampf #2

I am virtuous,
masculine, and constantly
molesting Afghans.

Major news: stuffing
top-secret undergarments
into my own pants.

Single biggest move:
I stunned the experts and chose
a sidekick blowhard.

I think it may have
been the Communist Party's
smoking-research group.

I didn’t want short
voters in my head in the
blow-dried pajamas.

A few moments of
chasing people around their
living rooms: progress.

Haiku created from Ann Coulter's December 29, 2004, column.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Pliable Pimpwear for Serious Fellows

Modernism delivered discreetly
brings value, value, value.
You will see a few
of Oprah's favorite things, Jack,
factory-direct. We dare you.

From the subject lines of spam received on or about January 3, 2005.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

On Food and Cooking

Strange. He's just
not that into
your wife. I eat
pork chops, dress
against the fear
in the kitchen.

Created from the titles of's 25 most-wished-for books as of January 5, 2005.

A Short History

Show the people you meet daily the curious truth of Da Vinci, America, Shakespeare, Jesus guys. Fear presents the world with inaction, with a democracy of angels and demons. The approach to understanding heaven (the plot, the code, the science, the lore) became the world. How will I chronicle the zero tolerance, the excuses? When will nearly everything be complete?

Created from the titles of's 25 most-wished-for books as of January 5, 2005.