Coulterkampf #2

I am virtuous,
masculine, and constantly
molesting Afghans.

Major news: stuffing
top-secret undergarments
into my own pants.

Single biggest move:
I stunned the experts and chose
a sidekick blowhard.

I think it may have
been the Communist Party's
smoking-research group.

I didn’t want short
voters in my head in the
blow-dried pajamas.

A few moments of
chasing people around their
living rooms: progress.

Haiku created from Ann Coulter's December 29, 2004, column.